donkeyrock
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Ah, is there anything more fun and self-affirming than capturing that perfect nude sexy selfie? Run it through a few filters, give yourself some “blurred lines”, fuzz up the harsher contours, add some shadows, cascade a little peachy glow over the whole thing.
You look gorgeous!
I’ve done it myself. The first person to hack my husband’s phone will get an eyeful! The copies on his phone are the only ones in existence (right, honey?), because I delete them off my own phone so when I use Fruit Ninja as a distraction for my four year old, there is no chance of accidentally posting racy shit to Twitter.
So the question of the moment is “who owns the photos on your phone”?
I’m not the only narcissist amused by taking sexy selfies, and I’m far from the only one to polish those shots and then press “send”. The data for exactly how many people send sexy selfies is kind of all over the place, and most of the research looks at teenage sexters. You get everything from 1% of teenagers between 14-18 have sent sexually explicit texts OR images , to 40% have done one or the other. Far more people admit to RECEIVING sexts than sending them.
This is probably a self-reporting problem. Something tells me if we actually examined the data contained on phones, we would get a startlingly difference answer.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23675996
Again, using self-reporting, the PEW Research Council comes up with the following number for adults, based on a telephone survey with 2252 adults over the age of 18. That’s a good sample size, assuming it was drawn randomly from all over the country. The PEW Council is usually pretty reliable.
I’m in the 30-49 category, where 5% of people admit to sexting, but curiously, 17% report having been the recipient of sexts. PEW doesn’t offer a gender breakdown, but who wants to bet it’s mostly women who say they haven’t sent sexts, but they HAVE received them?
Just a guess.
Once you have decided to press send, who owns that image?
The topic of “Revenge Porn” is being debated pretty ferociously in the media these days. Most examples almost always feature a woman who has sent sexy nude selfies to a man, who then posts the said selfie on a so-called revenge porn site after an acrimonious break-up.
This leads to embarrassment and discomfort for the woman. She wants to decide whom, and under what circumstances, gets to see her nude body.
Fair enough.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/01/23/women_sue_to_fight_back_against_revenge_porn.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/24/us/victims-push-laws-to-end-online-revenge-posts.html?hp&_r=0
I’m not convinced we need a law to address this particular issue, when a little foresight and self-control on the part of the offended women ought to do the trick.
If you are the sort of woman who truly, deeply cares that images of your nude body are not widely circulated around cyber space, the solution is kind of simple, no?
Don’t create them. Don’t give them to other people.
In the alternative, only send photos that won’t cause crippling anxiety should they be made public. Keep your goddamn clothes on. Is it really that hard?
Personally, I wouldn’t give a crap if someone DID hack my husband’s phone and stole images of me. Meh. Whatever. I sent them to my HUSBAND, and I am not the slightest bit ashamed. And there are already laws in place to punish people who STEAL photos. Stealing is not the same thing as giving freely. If the thought of those images being freely available freaks you out, DON’T TAKE THEM AND DON’T GIVE THEM AWAY.
Rather than turn this into a huge discussion of privacy law and copyright infringement, I want to discuss why men posting sexually explicit images of women without their knowledge or consent (although I would argue if you GIVE AWAY these images, you should probably just assume they will be shared eventually) has created a giant cultural scream to THROW THE BUMS IN JAIL, but women posting sexually explicit TEXTS from men doesn’t get the same reaction.
Anthony Weiner anyone? Where is the shrieking chorus demanding that Weiner’s privacy be respected?
*crickets*
Look at this little cupcake. Her name is Quin Pu.
After two dates – TWO!! – Quin felt she was in an established relationship with this poor schmuck, and when he declined to attend her birthday party with 125 of Quin’s closest friends, she lost her little mind!
I was stunned into paralysis. I had no words–this never happens–and I just felt short of breath. There were many things that pissed me off, but I was so flustered I couldn’t even articulate them. Again, this is a serious problem for a writer and effusive communicator.
So Quin sent back the following response:
After two dates, she gets a break-up text and decides to fuck with his professional life by sending his executive committee copies of sexually explicit messages?
According to the New York Times article, revenge porn can have devastating consequences and should therefore be criminalized.
The effects can be devastating. Victims say they have lost jobs, been approached in stores by strangers who recognized their photographs, and watched close friendships and family relationships dissolve. Some have changed their names or altered their appearance.
“It’s just an easy way to make people unemployable, undatable and potentially at physical risk,” said Danielle Citron, a law professor at the University of Maryland, who is writing a book on online harassment.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/24/us/victims-push-laws-to-end-online-revenge-posts.html
Oh, I see. Well that’s a problem we need to bring the full force of the law down on, and punish those terrible people men.
Where’s the cry for Quin to be arrested?
Now, to be fair, Quin hasn’t gotten nearly the reaction she imagined. Most people have quite rightly condemned her as a snobby, self-absorbed bitch who probably shouldn’t date anyone ever again.
Some people are down with Quin, but most aren’t.
haynes • 14 hours ago
The problem isn’t the breakup–the problem is he made plans with her for a day, and then totally spazzed out and backed out of the plans. That is not cool, nor okay. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. He deserves a bit of humiliation.
http://thedailybanter.com/2013/09/warning-all-men-in-dc-do-not-date-quin-woodward-pu/
A little humiliation? Actively trying to destroy his professional life is not a “little humiliation”.
Quin, meet Adria Richards. Didn’t work out so well for her.
What are we to make of this not unexpected set of double standards? When men take revenge on women by posting sexually explicit photos they likely LEGALLY OWN the right to, they should be charged with a crime.
But when women post sexually explicit TEXTS from men with the explicit intention of harming that man professionally, it’s just a bit of poor judgement?
You know, I think we have it right in the latter situation. Quin is a fucking bitch, but that guy who went out on TWO dates with her and felt compelled to send sexually explicit texts should have exercised better judgement.
Just as I would tell any woman DON’T SEND PICTURES YOU DON’T WANT MADE PUBLIC, I would tell men the same thing: DON’T SEND SEXUALLY EXPLICIT TEXTS YOU DON’T WANT MADE PUBLIC.
Anthony Weiner got nailed to the wall for his cringingly unpoetic sexting AND explicit selfies, and as far as I’m concerned, the minute he decided to press send, he accepted the consequences. And the same goes for women. The minute she presses send, she accepts the consequences of that.
http://www.businessinsider.com/anthony-weiner-lisa-weiss-facebook-radar-2011-6?op=1
This whole conversation seems to me to be a perfect illustration of what I find such bullshit about modern women: you can’t have it both ways. If men are going to be held accountable for the contents of their digital legacy, then women need to be held accountable, too.
Or we can all just grow up and accept responsibility for our OWN actions!
That IS an option.
We don’t need more laws. We need more grown-ups. Both men and women alike.
Lots of love,
JB
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